October 10th is World Mental Health Day, and this year’s theme caught my attention: Lived experiences heard: real voices, real change.
It made me think about something I see in organizations all the time. We ask people what they think. We conduct employee surveys, hold town halls and ask for feedback. Leaders end meetings with, “Any thoughts?” We tell people we want their ideas, that we want them to challenge our thinking and speak up when something isn’t working. Sometimes we even tell them it’s anonymous.
And then someone does it.
They speak up, voice their opinions, offer new ideas, and may even point out a problem with an idea that has been gaining momentum. And that’s when we find out whether we wanted their opinions, because asking people to speak is the easy part. What happens after they speak is what matters.
People learn when it’s better to stay quiet
People figure out pretty quickly what happens when they offer an opinion that doesn’t match the person in charge. Sometimes the message is obvious. A leader gets defensive or immediately dismisses the idea. The employee is embarrassed in front of their peers or suddenly gets labeled negative, difficult or “not a team player.”
But often it’s much subtler. It’s a sigh, a “hmmmm,” a facial expression, or that quick look across the table at someone else. It can be the immediate explanation of why the person is wrong before they’ve even finished making their point. Or somehow the person who raised the concern becomes the problem instead of the concern they raised.
These may seem like small things, but people remember them. And everyone else in the room is watching too.
Over time, people adjust. The next time they have a different opinion; they make a calculation about whether saying it is worth it. They start reading the room, waiting to hear what the leader thinks before sharing their own opinion or softening what they really want to say. Eventually, some people simply stop saying it.
Think about how exhausting that can be. If part of your workday is spent constantly figuring out what you can say, how you should say it, and how someone might react, that’s real energy you’re expending, but not on anything of value.
There’s research behind this. The American Psychological Association’s 2024 Work in America survey found that while 43% of workers overall said they typically felt tense or stressed during the workday, that number increased to 61% among employees experiencing lower psychological safety.
That doesn’t surprise me.
There’s also a business cost. You hired people for their judgment, experience, and ideas. If they’re spending their time trying to figure out what you want to hear, you’re only getting a fraction of what you hired them to bring to the organization.
Psychological safety doesn’t mean everyone is comfortable
I think we’ve made psychological safety sound softer than it really is. It isn’t an environment where everyone agrees, nobody gets criticized, and every idea is celebrated.
It’s healthy to disagree; it’s productive, too. Healthy organizations need people who question how things have always been done, bring forward new ideas, and sometimes try something that doesn’t work as everyone hoped. People still need to be held accountable. Performance problems still need to be addressed, and leaders still must make decisions that not everyone will like.
To me, psychological safety is simpler than we’ve made it: I can say what I think without worrying there will be a personal price for it.
That doesn’t mean my idea will be accepted or that I’ll get my way. It means I can contribute what I know, what I see, and what I think without first deciding whether it will come back and bite me in the _____ later.
And isn’t that what we want from the people we hire?
Disagreement can make the work better
One of my favorite examples comes from Pixar. They created something called the Braintrust, a group of experienced colleagues who review films while they’re still being developed and give candid feedback about what’s working and what isn’t.
I love the concept because they deliberately built disagreement into the creative process. The purpose isn’t to make the director feel good about the work; it’s to make the work better. That doesn’t mean every suggestion gets implemented. The person responsible for the film still owns the decision. But challenging an idea isn’t treated as disloyalty. It’s simply part of getting to a better result.
That’s a lesson for organizations outside the creative world. You can challenge my idea without challenging my value, and I can disagree with your recommendation without making you regret giving it to me.
Leaders have enormous influence over whether that happens, and usually it’s not through some big culture initiative. It’s in the way they respond in ordinary moments.
People are watching what happens next
If someone disagrees with you, particularly in front of other people, what’s your first reaction? Do you immediately explain why they’re wrong, or can you get curious enough to ask, “Tell me more. What are you seeing that I’m not?”
You may still disagree when they’re finished. That’s okay. Listening isn’t the same as agreeing.
The same is true when someone brings you bad news. If the response is anger, blame, or an interrogation, people learn something from that experience. The next time there’s bad news, they may wait a little longer before bringing it forward, which is usually how small problems turn into expensive ones. Subscribe to “tell me now not later”.
Mistakes work the same way. Of course, people should be accountable for fixing their mistakes, but if admitting one is more painful than hiding it, which behavior are we encouraging? I’d much rather know about a problem while it’s still small enough to fix.
And then there are the ideas you don’t think will work. You don’t have to pretend every suggestion is brilliant. Ask how the person got there. There may be something behind the idea you haven’t considered, and sometimes they’re going to see something you don’t.
That’s why you hired them.
These interactions may seem insignificant in the moment, but they don’t happen in isolation. Other people are watching. How you respond to one person teaches everyone else something about what happens when they speak up.
What if you can’t use the feedback?
This is another place where I think leaders sometimes get stuck. Creating an environment where people feel comfortable speaking doesn’t mean you have to act on every suggestion. You can’t, and you shouldn’t.
Sometimes an idea simply isn’t practical. Sometimes employees don’t have all the information behind a decision, or there are financial, legal, or business considerations you can’t fully share. And sometimes, after hearing everyone out, the leader still needs to make the call. That’s part of leadership.
But if you’ve asked people for feedback and decide not to use it, close the loop.
Tell them what happened.
It can be as simple as, “We considered this. Here’s what we decided and why.”
Most people can handle not getting their way. What’s frustrating is being repeatedly asked for input and having no idea whether anyone ever considered it. Do that often enough and people eventually stop giving it.
Then we wonder why no one speaks up.
A different question for leaders
So rather than asking, “Do my people feel comfortable speaking up?” I think there’s a better question.
What have I done when they did?
Think about the last person who disagreed with you, brought you bad news, questioned a decision or admitted a mistake. How did you respond? Not how you intended to respond, but what did that person see and hear from you?
Bridging the gap between how we responded and how we meant to respond is easier said than done, which is where my leadership coaching services can help. Sometimes you need that outside perspective to help you see how your behavior is being perceived, and how you can bring it in alignment with the culture you want in your organization.
If that sounds like something you would find beneficial, let’s talk.
